Just another day at the office

Feast your eyes on mechanics and test drivers showing off the Ferrari 599XX in Valencia’s Ricardo Tormo circuit while the rest of us sit in front of our computers and weep as if viewing the Gods fraternize on the unobtainable peak of Olympus. I want one of those bad-ass Stilo helmets with the carbon fiber stripes down the middle to permanently replace my face.

A Formula 1 Christmas….(a.k.a nothing rhymes with ‘Bob Varsha’)

It’s two nights before Christmas, and I’m having a think,

about racing and cars, which happens when I drink.

With Schumi returning for formula gold,

I wonder if such chances have passed cuz I’m old.

Not old per se, just too old to start,

on a path that infants begin racing karts.

I’ve thought this before, as blog posts will tell,

I even emailed, like a schoolboy, Le Mans great, Derek Bell.

“Hey Derek,” I said (we met ‘cuz of Bentley),

“what can I do to see time in Gran prix?”

When he replied, he said the time may have passed,

when engineers would make a mold of my ass,

and fit each contour into my F1 seat,

from where I would see just who I could beat.

Saddened, I moved on and continued writing here,

drunk, bitter, and watching Top Gear.

Around 3 AM, I finally crashed in my bed,

hot laps and pit stops still in my head.

I suddenly found myself in a bright red beast,

with paddle shifters and wings, and a wide open street.

A circuit like one’s never seen before,

made from all different tracks, even Singapore.

Part Monaco, part Monza, with sprinkles of Spa,

the Glen, De La Sarthe and La Guna Seca.

(and before those last two garner comments from the uptight,

I know they’re not F1, but it was my dream, alright?).

Off my car launched with such force, sound seemed to shatter,

downforce pressing my car to be flatter.

I hit S-curves and chicanes, rumble strips and more,

running through bends and straights I adore,

Through Copse!

Down Corkscrew!

Eau Rouge and Piscine!

’round Campsa, Coca-Cola, and all of Hockenhiemring!

Such joy as I  felt so much fear and such grace,

I could’ve kept on forever and never dropped pace.

At some point, however, the ride had to end,

and I woke up in bed, I’d cross the last bend.

No miracle had happened, nothing unusual arose,

Didn’t wake up with a pussycat doll or ripped-off fuel hose,

I just sat with my head that throbbed like a drum,

trying to make sense of my dream ( I blame the rum).

It was then it occurred that hey, it’s Christmas eve!

and I should be celebrating, no time to grieve,

for lost times and missed chances I made myself believe.

I’m still young, a quick learner and I’m pretty fit,

(besides, when someone told me “no”, did I ever give a shit?).

and maybe when I go down tonight under the tree,

I might find something else there with my Forza 3.

some tickets to fly and enroll at Skip Barber,

to be taught to live the hopes that I harbor.

Maybe that’ll happen, and then again, maybe not,

but one day I’ll go out and give it all I’ve got.

I’ll learn to race proper and go as fast as I can,

and if I screw up? There’s always Grand-Am!

Thanks for another year of reading my pieces,

have a merry Christmas from AutoKinesis!

-Alex K-

AutoKinesis is 2!!!

A year ago, there wasn’t even an AutoKinesis, it was just a blog that didn’t want to be called “blog,” a journal of all the things I had happen to me, which all changed thanks to some delectable apple pie.

What was once a silly blog with a silly name, then became something slightly serious, has become a chronicle of adventures and stories, a photo gallery of gorgeous cars, a forum of news and discussion, and more to the point, my own little slice of the internet that I get to hang out at and talk to you about cars.  Here’s a quick look back at all the things we got to share:

• I skipped work to drive my first Lamborghini and celebrated with friends and family.
• The BMW 135i showed us a small beemer is just as good as a big one.
• Melsh and I took a couple falls, wrong turns, and paddles to the head at our first adventure race.
• V met simon Pegg, Rich met Biz Markie, and I almost punched Paul Rudd in the face.
• Bucephalus and I ran the 1st Vanderbilt Cup autocross at Roosevelt Field Mall.
• The Audi R8 made dreams come true.
• We checked out another awesome showing of exotic cars at the Miracle Mile.
• Lewis Hamilton blew our minds and made history with one of the most exciting endings to a Formula 1 season.
• The Dodge Challenger, despite its faults, was still a compelling muscle car.
• We had Tootie Pies and went from a blog with a silly name to AutoKinesis (which is only slightly less silly, I suppose..).
• Melsh and I took Chicago by storm and battled our way through the Men’s Health Urbanathalon, and we took a look at what was waitng for us in the new year.
• We made nice with the Tesla Roadster and had a jaunt through the city.
• … then had drinks with its big sister, the Model S.
• The NY Auto Show came and worked us to death, while giving us this years christmas list .
• Pontiac’s fate was sealed and we recalled our best/worst moments with the mark.
• We got to experience Genesis for ourselves.

Whoo. I got tired typing that.

Many thanks to the people who make this blog happen, like Melissa for her editing (even if it’s just to point out misplaced caps and so forth) , and Victor for his photos (and both of them for being my partners in crime). Thanks for the commenters who give this blog life with their opinions, and most of all, a very sincere thank you all for reading. I am excitedly looking forward to what year 3 will bring, and I hope you all are as well.

Thanks Again!!!!

-Alex K-

Which Further Proves My Theory…

The 2009 Formula 1 season begins the weekend of March 27th, and I couldn’t think of a better birthday present for me. Remind me to send Bernie a ham.

Last year was a fantastic season, rich with drama and action, and this year should be just as exciting. Many new rules have been implemented, like mandatory lifespan extensions for the engines, a return of slick tires, and radically new changes to the cars.

One of the more intriguing developments for ’09 is the KERS system that will store kinetic energy in a battery for a limited boost in horsepower when activated by the driver.

The following video, featuring BMW driver and Australopithecus Nick Heidfeld, demonstrates that activating KERS can’t be explained to German people without the use of David Hasselhoff.

(skip to the :50 mark)

Here’s an informative rundown of the changes being made for 2009.

-Alex K-